“A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO CHURCH”
Do you ever stop to think of how far you can go back and what you can remember? So many things happen in one’s life but you never know what you will remember and what you will forget. Things of great importance are things you think you will never forget. However, in the end it usually is the simple things of no importance that you remember most vividly. Below in bold italics are some things that come to mind when I look back.
I was born in St. Joe and moved when I was eight years old. I think most people don’t start putting things to memory until they are at least 5 years old. While in St. Joe, we were all still one big family. So my memories of St. Joe go back now over 40 years to the year 1970 plus or minus a couple of years. My brothers or sisters are all older than me but I bet they all can relate to my memories of Sunday mornings.
Can you imagine what it what like to get 6 kids from the ages of 5-15 ready to go to church each and every Sunday? I can’t but Mom did it every week. I am sure Dad would say he helped but I know his jobs were nothing compared to Mom’s. Dad’s job was to make sure all the kids got up by “whistling and snapping his fingers” at the bottom of the stairs until he heard us respond. His other job was to comb the boy’s hair. He discovered this oil that he would put in our hair to slick it back. He called it “Greasy Hair Kids stuff.” He only used it on us on Sunday’s before church. I remember it was awful. I think if he ever ran out, he would go to the garage and get some motor oil and we wouldn’t have known the difference. Once he slicked our hair, his job was done except for warming up the car and driving us to church. Mom on the other hand was busy busy getting us breakfast and laying out our clothes. Being the youngest, I usually got released to watch TV to get out of her hair. There wasn’t much on our black and white TV with just a couple of channels but there was one show we always watched. It was “Rocky and Bullwinkle” followed by “Underdog.” These cartoons were classics and they were only on TV on Sunday morning.
Once I heard from Mom again, it was already time to get in the car and go to church. I was handed a pair of dress pants, a buttoned down shirt and then a “dickie” that went under my shirt. I guess this was a poor kid’s way of looking dressed up when he really wasn’t. I don’t think they even make those things anymore. The best way to describe them were they were a way to make any shirt into a mock turtleneck before they were later invented.
Once dressed, we all would then run out and jump in the car that Dad always had warmed up and ready. On Sunday’s I was always summoned to sit in the front seat between Mom and Dad in the family truckster. The parents always had to make sure the boys were split up because we were still amped up after watching “Underdog” save the day earlier on TV. As soon as we started down the road, Mom realized what I looked like and immediately starting giving me a “spit bath.” She would always look behind my ears and say “you could plant potatoes behind those ears.” Couldn’t have been from the “Greasy Hair Kid’s Stuff.” Then out would come Dad’s white handkerchief and the bath would begin after he handed it to Mom. Good thing Dad always got a new clean hanky on Sundays. They must have not yet invented Q-tips back then because Mom always used a bobby pin to get the wax out of your ears. (Just last weekend, I still observed her cleaning her ears with guess what? A bobby pin).
The ride was only about 15 minutes but that depended on how late we were and by the time we reached church I finally looked presentable. We must have all looked silly filing into the church sitting in approximately the same pew each Sunday. We didn’t have to worry about people fighting to sit by us but you know they were all watching from a distance wondering how Mom and Dad remained civil.
I remember one time sitting in church still a youngster not knowing that passing gas out loud was not allowed in church. I am sure all kids have to eventually learn this but they don’t have two older brothers sitting in the pew next to them that start laughing uncontrollably and who end up getting in more trouble than I did. They tried so hard not to laugh but their bodies were shaking and tears were coming out of their eyes. I’ll never forget that. All it took was for one of them to look at the other and the laughing would begin all over. I am pretty sure we didn’t get to stop at the local A&W Root Beer Drive-In on the way home that day for good behavior in church. Those big thick mugs of root beer brought to your car window were something we always looked forward to even though they were always way too much for one of us to drink.
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